Since my first outburst of tears on 10 May 2013 when I got the sign that my mood was slipping in the wrong direction, I have been on and off a shitload of medications.
None of them have helped me:
I've had side effect ranging from constipation, headspins, blurred vision, vertigo, dizziness, dry mouth, altered menstrual cycle, headaches, restless leg syndrome, depression, anxiety and now rage.
I'm so angry right now I could punch my fist through this fucking computer.
I'm so angry right now that I'm not getting better.
I'm so angry right now that I have ALL THE THINGS an unemployed person could want but I'm fucking miserable.
I'm so angry right now that I screamed at my son this morning because we were running late for fucking preschool. I pushed him down the hallway because he didn't do what I asked him to do the first time I asked it, or the second, or the fucking third time.
I'm so angry right now because when my one and only child begged me for a kiss for forgiveness I couldn't even look at him because I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY!
I'm so fucking angry because I keep telling my fucking psychiatrist that I'm fucking angry in the fucking morning and he just fucking tells me that I haven't given this fucking medicine enough of a go yet.
Well I think three weeks of fucking anger is enough fucking anger!
I'm so sick of being on this pharmaceutical rollercoaster.
I just want to feel the way I did before this all happened. I know I wasn't 100% before this episode but it was a hell of a lot fucking better than this fucking bullshit!
I'M SO FUCKING OVER IT!
So, Shrink, fuck you!